For Good or For Bad

I have grown up a W.A.S.P. (white anglo-saxon prodestant) like the majority of Americans. I have been a lawabiding citizen, and I and an overall good person. I go to church, and want to be a pastor. I am not a racist, and i support helping out people who are less fortunate as I am. I support the demise of all opressive regiems and I believe that these downfalls should be done as peacefully as possible. I condem terriorism as evil, and I hate it when the bad guys win. I cheer for the underdog, along with despising it when the big guy gets bigger and bigger every year. I do not drink nor do I smoke or do drugs. I have never had a traffic citation, nor have I ever been arrested. From that list it looks like I'm a good guy, yet I am not. I am lazy, often unmotivated, and very undisciplined. I do not have a job, and I am in debt up to my ears. If given the choice I would probably decide to take the easy way out or the path of least resistance. I have lied and cheated often in my life, and many of my accomplishments have been the result of other people's hard work. I am not always good because I want to be good, but because I am too scared of what will happen to me if I get caught being bad. Who could love a person like me if they really see me deep inside? Is there anything that would make a person love me? I am so flawed and stupid, so simple and vain, that i make myself sick. I do not believe that I am alone in my plight. I believe that I am just one in a sea of people who see themselves in such dier straights. What will become of me if I am left to myself i do not know. The only escape I have from myself is to be cured by something outside of myself. But another human being cannot help me because they have the same problem I have. So the solution to my problem must come from outside of myself, and must be something not human. This is root of all human experiences; this quest that we take, the quest of life, is based upon this feeling of missing the mark, that somehow there is something missing from our existence. That somehow no matter how we try, life misses the point. We need something to live for, something that fills the gap that we have in our lives. That something is defined in different ways by different people. Some people try all the rushes that they can, whether it is drugs or high risk events. Other people try and find their purpose by doing as much as they can or owning as much as they can. Some try and find it in other people and the popularity that they come with. Still others try and find the meaning of life through religion. Finally people mix and match these groups. For this reason Christianity sticks out. No I am not talking about the religion of Christianity, I am talking about the teachings and life of Jesus that, years ago, men tried to make into a religion. Of all the major religions (and i only say religion here because it's the only way i know to describe it), Christianity is the only world religion where salvation's first step was from the diety. If you hunt and search you'll not find a religion like it. Because religion is defined as man's pursuit of God. The Bible teaches that there is nothing man can do to come before God, unless God makes the first step. And He did. Jesus, because he loved us, came to earth to die for us to give us a way of salvation. Thus Christianity ceases to be about what we do, and about what Jesus did. To a human who cannot see out of his walls of filth, this is the only way I can see out of my hole. There is no other answer out there that makes sense quite like Jesus' love for me.